Think about your marriage for a moment. Do you feel safe? Do you feel like your partner is someone you can truly rely on, someone who “gets” you and cares for you? These feelings are crucial to a happy, healthy relationship.

What Does “Safe Haven” Mean?

A “safe haven” in a marriage means you feel:

  • Trusted: You know your partner is honest and has your best interests at heart.
  • Emotionally Available: Your partner is there for you, ready to listen and support you.
  • Responsive: Your partner considers your feelings and responds to you with kindness.

When you have these things, your spouse becomes a source of comfort, strength, and love. Research shows that this emotional connection is a key ingredient for a satisfying marriage.

The Safe Haven Quiz: Checking Your Relationship’s Temperature

To help you understand if your marriage is a safe haven, we’re using a quiz based on research by Dr. Sharon May. This quiz looks at three important areas:

  1. Trust: Can you count on your partner?
  2. Emotional Availability: Are they present for you?
  3. Responsiveness: Do they treat you with care?

Why This Quiz Matters

This quiz is designed to help you see how safe you feel in your relationship. It’s also a chance to think about how you make your partner feel. By answering honestly, you can gain valuable insights into your marriage and find ways to strengthen your bond.

Let’s Find Out!

Think about each question carefully. Your answers will help you understand the safety of your relationship and how you and your partner can grow closer.

The Safe Haven Relationship Quiz

TRUST

  1. My spouse is honest and truthful with me.
  2. I can trust my spouse.
  3. My spouse has the best interest of our relationship foremost in his/her mind
  4. I can accept the decisions my spouse makes in important areas of our relationship.
  5. My spouse is not self-centered or selfish.
  6. I am certain that my spouse will not intentionally hurt me.

EMOTIONAL AVAILABILITY

  1. My spouse gives me his/her full attention when I need to share what’s important to me.
  2. I can count on my spouse to be emotionally accessible when I need him/her.
  3. I am able to talk openly with my spouse about what’s important to me.
  4. We give and receive support from each other with ease.
  5. My spouse is willing to put aside what he/she is doing to spend time with me
  6. My spouse does not seem to give more time and attention to things other than our marriage.

RESPONSIVENESS

  1. Even though we might have different views, my spouse tries to take into consideration my perspective.
  2. I do not have to walk on eggshells around my partner.
  3. When we are in conflict, my partner is still able to respond in a considerate way.
  4. When making important decisions, I know my partner will think through my point of view.
  5. My spouse is understanding of my moods and feelings.
  6. We are able to constructively resolve our relationship hurts.

What Your Answers Tell You

After you’ve answered the questions, take a moment to reflect.

  • If you answered most questions with a 3, 4, or 5, that’s great! It likely means you feel safe and secure in your marriage.
  • If you answered any questions with a 2, 1, or 0, it’s worth exploring those areas. Why do you feel that way?

Remember:

  • It’s just as important to think about how your partner would answer these questions about you.
  • This quiz is a tool for growth. Use it to start a conversation with your spouse.

Building a safe haven is an ongoing process. By focusing on trust, emotional availability, and responsiveness, you can create a stronger, more fulfilling marriage.